BRB, gonna go buy a Vette.

The ones that clicked on those adds for me get to ride shotgun. In fact, for everyone that clicks on my ads and posts here, I'll personally go to your page and click on some ads.

NOW I'M DEAD

I think I have amnesia! I just woke up, and here I am, at this website. I can't seem to remember anything before I typed this.

So, you guys need to tell me everything I need to know about everything. And quickly.

Let's see how long I can keep it at $0.00.

Not really, but I'd be damn offended if I was. But I do love the new face we have.

This news post is now a petition to keep the new Asian Faic.

Petition names:

1. RKThrilla
2. FurryFox
3. MadiiMonsterr
4. JollySpace

UGH. That's the only word I can use to describe it. I mean, are you trying to find a job durring this recession? I know I am. And it's damn near impossible. Say encouraging things to me to make me feel better.

And here I am trying to get ready to go paintballing. I feel so out of shape because I stopped exercising around mid-January. That's when my paintball season usually ends, but not this year. My uncle called me Friday telling me to come play, so here I am. Out of shape and 7 hours away from getting the shit shot out of me.

Wish me luck.

<---- GAWD, that thing looks like a fag.

Discuss.

I need a new name. Give me ideas.

The year was 2008. The month was November. The date was...not important enough to be remembered. It was an average day. Nothing out of place, no gut feelings that something was amiss. No, this was a happy day. It would start out great, and keep getting better as it wore on.

Nothing prepared me for what was waiting on my return trip home.

I was driving home. Another ordinary day. Nothing to fear; for I was on top of the world. Then, suddenly, out of nowhere, a bright, shiny monster appeared behind my truck. Blinded by the light reflecting off of the horrid creature's head, and deafened by the horrible screeches coming from the mouth, I was forced to pull over.

I could not see; I could not move. Some mysterious power held me in it's grasp. I was morbidly terrified. "What is happening? What is that thing behind me?" I neigh had time to ponder my racing thoughts when I heard a faint tapping on my passenger-side window. I snapped my head to the right, and, to my surprise, was a smaller monster. I glanced into my rear-view mirror, and yes, the strapping monster was still behind me; still flashing, but much quieter. "I think that this monster wishes to speak to me."

Cautiously, I rolled down the right-side window. As I did, the smaller monster began to talk. "What are you doing in my territory?," he asked.

The smaller monster was not quite as frightening as it's larger counterpart. "What should I do? If I hurried, I might be able to pull out a knife to slay the beast." But, with one glance, I spotted many weapons of all kinds strapped to his side. Glancing upwards to his torso, I saw what appeared to be armor. I decided against retaliation, but still sat in silence as the creature spoke again.

"What are you doing here?"

This second query jolted me out of my state of shock long enough to hold a semi-intelligent conversation with it.

"Um, I'm trying to get home.," I stuttered.

"Why do you travel through my territory?"

"It's the fastest way to my home, good creature.," I managed to blurt out.

"The way you were traveling, it's not a safe one. Therefore, it's against the laws of this land.," the creature said in a deep, almost growling, voice.

"I'm sorry, good creature. I'll remember that next time. I promise I'll never travel this way again!"

"That's not enough," said the abomination. "You must come to my lair, so that we may...enlighten you with our laws. You may leave, but you must appear in my lair on this date."

With my heart racing, I managed to grasp the small paper from the creature, and even let out a "Goodbye" as the thing mounted the larger creature still behind me. In a brilliant flash of light, both creatures disappeared, leaving me dazed and confused, still on the side of the highway.

I looked at the paper I still clutched in my hand.

"You have been summoned to the House of Law on the 29th day of January, in the year of 2009. We request that you present this letter to the Lord of the House, so that He may decide the fate of the bearer."

Below it was scribed some lines, maybe another language, and farther below that, directions to the House of Law. I folded the paper and stuffed it in my glove-box, and, still dazed, headed for home.

Needless to say, between that cold day in November, and the aforementioned day of January, I was terrified. The days seemed to drag on and on in my suspense. Was this all a dream? Would I wake up in a cold sweat, only to find that I was still in my bed? Oh, how I longed for this dream to end. How I prayed that I would wake, but to no avail.

Finally, my day of Judgment arrived. It was time to face the Lord of the land at the House of Judgment.

I woke early that morning. As I grabbed a piece of toast to eat along the way, I thought to myself, "Why should I go to the House?" I quickly dismissed the thought. "They probably already know where I live, anyway. Surely, if I don't go, the monsters will be back for me."

The route to the House was fairly simple. It was one that I was somewhat familiar with. As I reached the place, I saw hundreds, if not thousands of other cars. I scanned the area, noting that all the cars were occupied by humans. I breathed a sigh of relief, feeling slightly more protected, now that I was surrounded by my own kind. I pondered to myself why other people were here. "Maybe the creatures commanded they show up at the House as I was."

I found a place to park my truck. It wasn't too far from the House, but it still required a short jog to the place. I hurried there, so as not to make the Lord wait. Maybe he would be a fair Lord, and let me go with a warning.

My heart raced as I entered the building. To my shock, I saw humans intermingling with hundreds of the smaller creatures that I saw not but 2 months ago. Some of the creatures were laughing, some eating, and some escorting what seemed to be prisoners across the floor. I stood there, in shear fright, until one of the creatures tapped me on the shoulder.

"May I help you?," it questioned.

"Um, I was ordered to appear to the Lord by one of your kind."

"Right this way."

I followed the creature across the floor, up a flight of stairs, and then into a small room packed from wall to wall with other humans.

"You will take a seat here and wait for the Lord.," he stated before briskly walking off.

I sat down on the wooden bench and almost immediately jumped back up when I heard my first name called. I turned around to an old, grey-bearded creature with a tablet. He took me by the arm back outside the room and, after confirming my identity, told me to sit and wait, while he went into a side room.

By now, the fear had left me. After 2 months of worry and suspense, I don't believe that I could have been fearful, even if I wanted too. For the first time in what seemed like an eternity, I breathed a sigh of relief, free from anxiety of my fate. I was seated near a small drinking pond with semi-clear water. I then helped myself to a handful or two of it. As I was drinking it, the old creature came out ordered that I pay him for my citation. I calmly gave him the money, as he told me I could finally leave, and that I was finally free from the wrath of the Lord of the House of Judgment. My heart filled with joy as ran out of the building. Free at last! No more worry! No more fear! I had done it! I faced Judgment, and lived!

To this day, I refuse to travel the way I did on that cold, November day. Not because I'm scared, but because I've come to respect the creatures. They do what they do to keep us safe. I no longer feared them, but held them in high regards. I've yet to meet any of those creatures again, but I know, deep in my heart, that they are watching. They are always watching.

TL;DR: I got pulled over for speeding, and went to court.